Sunday, February 26, 2006

It is so nice...

Had another anonymous future line dropped at the door. We will say it was from Tammy, since Tammy brings in a lot of viewers. Tammy if you read this, comment with your link so I can link you up.

When put to the challenge of coming up with something funny someone will say in the future,

Tammy had this creative future line:

"It is so nice to be able to blame all of America's problems on a female President."

Tammy come back and claim your link!

Saturday, February 25, 2006


Pepperidge Farm remembers and so does Ben Hay author of Henry the Adequate. I think Ben found future lines through Blog Explosion, and I am are glad he did!

Ben wants to make it clear that he is not a fan of future lines, and that future lines is a fan of his! So, Ben please link back to your fan :)

Ben is full of wit and four letter words, so his future line has been modified to protect the guilty. In fairness to Ben, future lines does not public size [sic] the fact there is no profanity so my apologies Ben. If you want your future line removed due to artistic integrity, I completely understand! But, I hope this is not the case.

Here is what Ben has to say about himself:

"I write software and change printer ribbons for a living. Lucky me. Sometimes on a really hot night I sit naked on the front steps and wave at the cars."

When put to the challenge of coming up with something funny someone will say in the future, Ben had this future line:

"Remember weblogs? Boy was that a freaking stupid idea."

Ben Hay

Friday, February 24, 2006

The Cowboy and the Yuppie

Please Welcome Future Lines Newest Fan: My Quraan

Future Lines is typically a punchline about something funny someone will say in the future.

Today we make a slight exception for one Mom submitted:

The Cowboy and his dog!

A Texas cowboy was tending to his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy... "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says,

''You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

You're a consultant for the National Democratic Party," says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy, "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business... Now give me back my dog."

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Future Lines Fan Club Program Launched


Welcome to Future Lines

Today Future Lines is proud the launch the Fan Club Program. Here is how it works. If you link to Future Lines you will recieve a reciprocal link to your blog or website. It is that simple.

There are currently 2 Fans, be sure to pay them a visit!

Feverish Mind of Kai


Waking up in Amsterdam!

When you do link to Future Lines I will find you, but for faster linking just leave a comment with your url.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Wonderful ocean front property available...

Shirley left an anonymous future line at the door and ran away. Shirley if you read this, comment with your link so I can link you up.

When put to the challenge of coming up with something funny someone will say in the future,

Shirley had this disturbing future line:

"Wonderful ocean front property available. White sands, palm trees, warm ocean breezes. Contact S. Claus, North Pole Realty."

Shirley come back!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Best Blonde Joke of the Future 2.0

Spotted at the recent CD and DVD release party for The Blond Joke 2.0, Sheepherder 2.0, and The Best of Tammy NYP Tammy Movie these intelligent, young, and attractive IT consultants submitted what they have found to be The Best Blonde Joke of the Future.

Click on The Best Blond Joke of The Future 5.0

Thanks Ladies!

Monday, February 20, 2006

Dog finds way back home from space station...

Tony Calabrese is back with another future line. But, first check out what people are saying about Tony and Fugetaboutit!!! in "You Talkin To Me?" :

"I don't leave comments often, but thought I would let you know, that I read your blog out loud to my husband and 2 sons every time you update! we love it!"

"You continue to crack me up!!! You are so wise. HA!"

"ROFLOL (Rolling On Floor, Laughing Out Loud)

Just don't know what else to say!"

When put to the challenge of coming up with something funny someone will say in the future,

Tony had this future newspaper article headline:

"Dog finds way back home from space station in wheel well of shuttle."

Tony Calabrese

Sunday, February 19, 2006

I can't eat anymore...

Scott is a Closet Comedian living in the entertainment capital of the world, Denver Colorado. Scott practices his comedy on his two loving cats and sometimes cows that are close to the fence.

Dry humor is Scott's specialty. In fact it's so dry sometimes the cats won't understand the depth and breadth of Scott's brilliant comedic genius.

When put to the challenge of coming up with something funny someone will say in the future, Scott had this future line:

"I can't eat anymore, I just found a Nanobyte in my soyburger!"


Saturday, February 18, 2006

When I was your age.....

Congratulations to Tony Calabrese an inspirational comic talent from San Diego California. Tony will be the first and a premiere comic on future lines. Tony has running comedic conversations that are a must read at fuggettaboutit!!!

Here is what Tony says about himself:
"I'm a 48 year old shrinking Italian comedian. I've been married for 27 years... In a ROW! I have two grown sons so I'm basically an overweight, middle aged, balding ATM machine."

When put to the quick challenge of coming up with something funny someone will say in the future, Tony had this future line:

"When I was your age I was beamed 20,000 light years, through meteor showers, to get to school. We didn't have holographs, we had HDTV."


Friday, February 17, 2006

About future lines

future lines will contain comic one liners about something someone will say in the future.

If you are interested in submitting a future one liner email scott [at] or leave the one liner in a comment.

There will be no limit to how many submissions or posts.

There will also be a permanent link set back to your website or blog under most circumstances, so start brain storming!

If you submit someone else's one liner please give them due credit with a link to them as well if possible.

You do not have to be a professional comic just make me laugh or smile, and your posted and linked!

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Here are some examples of future one liners:

"Can you email me some email stamps?" feedscott

"Honey there's nuclear waste leaking from the toilet again" feedscott

"We will not negotiate with aliens!" feedscott